The Great Cookie Wars of Old

A harrowing tale of love, cookies, and the overthrow of the feudal system

Once upon a time, like way back in the day, there were two kingdoms. One of them was ruled by a good king and everybody liked him. The other one was ruled by this okay dude that lacked any real experience in running a country, but had inherited the throne from his super-rich dad. Anyway, they hated each other because they were both trying to hook up with this high-maintenance princess.

One thing lead to another and a massive war broke out between the two kingdoms to win her hand in marriage. The kings forced all the serfs to fight because that's just how they did things back then and they were all really pissed about it. The serfs decided to take matters into their own hands and baked thousands of cookies. They delivered them to each of the kings claiming they were a true and final declaration of love from the princess. 

The kings devoured the cookies in celebration assuming they were victorious. Word spread throughout the land, and finally reached the princess. Greedily, she requested some of her own from each of the kings, knowing neither would refuse her. But, they did—the cookies were that good. Enraged, she vowed never to speak to either of them again, but they were both kind of over her anyway. The cookies had restored peace to the land and the serfs eventually founded a democracy and abolished the feudal system entirely. Thanks be to the cookies.